Random Thoughts

'Ello, you lucky people!

So, I tend to come up with bizarre notions or ideas. Here are some.

The idea of coming up with a sport is kind of crazy. You know they all started with bored kids. "Hey, let's hit a ball with a stick." That's it. It all started from there. "If you kick this ball between two trees, you get a point." Multi-million dollar deals are now brokered all because kids were bored. Remember when you were a kid and decided the floor was lava and you had to jump from pillow to pillow so as to avoid burning to death? What if people went to college for that and make a million bucks a year? Just add a bunch of rules that only 30% of the world understands completely and you have yourself a sport.

I'm sure they went through some different versions before settling on what we know today. "Gee, Jean-Pierre, I really like this game, but what if we use something else to hit the pucks into the net besides a telescope? I bet a piece of wood would work all right."

And why are some games now professional and some aren't? There should be professional tetherball or four square. Kickball is essentially baseball so why isn't there a professional kickball league? They'd change it a bit, but as long as they still use that big red ball, it'd be A-Okay.

I watch musicals and can't get passed those big musical numbers where someone just starts singing and 50 other people join in. The only time that ever happens is on a birthday. If you start singing the Happy Birthday song, people will join in. Like it's a rule or something.

I understand "Big wheel keep on turnin'," but what the hell's with "Proud Mary keep on burnin'?"

Why don't deaf people have hearing-ear dogs? And aren't dogs supposed to have really bad eyesight?

Eyesight... as opposed to kneesight or nipplesight?

My neighbor's kid is an idiot. We have a big ol' flag pole surrounded by lights in the lawn of the complex. One time during a rainstorm, he was hitting the lights with a big metal pipe. During a RAINSTORM. A 10 year old with a death wish.

Walkie-talkies are the stupidest inventions, not because of their function, but because of their poor marketing. Why couldn't they come up with a better name? "Walkie-talkie" sounds like how you'd explain how they work to a foreigner. "You walkie and talkie!!" Because you have to yell to foreigners or they won't understand. If they named other products like that, you'd have vacuums called "pushie-suckies" or cars called "rollie-goies."

They should create something called a "borange" just so every word rhymes with something. Just to be fair.

To aid in embryonic stem cell research, being that it's not legal currently to experiment on human embryos, they've created a new species that is a hybrid of a human and HAMSTER due to the similarities in DNA strands and so research can be done without it being on humans. This thing is called a "humster" and though a creature has never been allowed to fully develop, I am incredibly creeped out by this. Stem cells can be used by the body to replicate and become any type of cell. So, what if they use these cells from a humster in a human? What if dude with Parkinsons gets cured but then has a rodent kid a year later? It's a recessive trait, but so is green eyes or red hair. Creepy-ass shit. A kid who lives under the stairs and sleeps in wood shavings. And always keeps me awake with its constant running in the wheel.

Before "Make Love, Not War," I think the original slogan was "Just fuck each other indiscriminantly and hopefully you'll forget how pissed off you are." Didn't fit on T-shirts though. Plus there's a swear word in it.

It's irritating how open people are sometimes. I like being forward, but sometimes it's a little too much. At work, one of the new girls was talking about how she almost caught herpes one time, but "Don't ask how." If I could think of a list of every question I'd ask her BEFORE I'd ask about how she almost caught herpes, it would be a list of... every question. Including, "Where's the beef?" "Who shot J.R.?" and "Why do you think I'd want to know that?"

That's enough. But there's so many more.

Talk at ya later, and keep circulating the tapes.