'Ello, you lucky people!
People are always making lists of the best whatevers. I think the term "best" is misleading. Under whose authority is something better than something else? I, being a film guy, read a lot about films and the "greatest" films of all time. Every entertainment mag worth their weight has a "Best of Blahty-Blah" list every couple months. The IMDb has a "Top 250" list, which is the movies that get the highest number of high scores according to their users.
http://us.imdb.com/chart/top
The American Film Institute has its own list of 100 films of the first 100 years of film
http://www.afi.com/tvevents/100years/movies.aspx
I think both of these lists are problematic. These are all opinions whether they're internet geeks or top critics. I've decided, as a response, to compose a list of my 50 favorite films. These films are important to me in one way or another. I based my list on three basic criteria:
1) Re-watchability I've seen some films that I love that I will never watch again. Favorites must be viewed multiple times. Have you seen a movie a hundred times? Might it be your favorite?
2) Quotability If you've seen a movie a hundred times, you're gonna be able to quote lines at will and ad-nauseum
3) Bad-Assitude It could be one scene or it could be one tiny scene, but, for me, a movie has to impress me to be in my list. You can easily tell if this one is happening to you if you think or say "Awwww shit!" while chuckling.
Not all of these movies are considered "great" films in the annuls of film history, but they are important to me in my life or (hypothetical) career in film. Hopefully they will give you some insight into my warped mind. NOTE: The IMDb #1 film is The Godfather and AFI's #1 is Citizen Kane. Both are fantastic films and neither are on my list.
1) The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly (1966) dir. Sergio Leone
2) Clerks (1994) dir. Kevin Smith
3) Pulp Fiction (1994) dir. Quentin Tarantino
4) Shaun of the Dead (2004) dir. Edgar Wright
5) Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964) dir. Stanley Kubrick
6) The Third Man (1949) dir. Carol Reed
7) Star Wars (1977) dir. George Lucas
8) Jaws (1975) dir. Steven Spielberg
9) Dawn of the Dead (1978) dir. George A. Romero
10) The Wild Bunch (1969) dir. Sam Peckinpah
11) Reservoir Dogs (1992) dir. Quentin Tarantino
12) Die Hard (1988) dir. John McTiernan
13) The Graduate (1967) dir. Mike Nichols
14) Evil Dead 2 (1987) dir. Sam Raimi
15) Fargo (1996) dir. Joel Coen
16) Goodfellas (1990) dir. Martin Scorsese
17) The Thing (1982) dir. John Carpenter
18) From Russia With Love (1963) dir. Terrence Young
19) Memento (2000) dir. Christopher Nolan
20) Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) dir. Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones
21) Strangers on a Train (1951) dir. Alfred Hitchcock
22) The Shining (1980) dir. Stanley Kubrick
23) Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981) dir. Steven Spielberg
24) Once Upon a Time in the West (1969) dir. Sergio Leone
25) Snatch. (2000) dir. Guy Ritchie
26) Halloween (1978) dir. John Carpenter
27) Se7en (1995) dir. David Fincher
28) Planet of the Apes (1968) dir. Franklin J. Schaffner
29) Sin City (2005) dir. Frank Miller & Robert Rodriguez, guest dir. Quentin Tarantino
30) Back to the Future (1985) dir. Robert Zemeckis
31) Chasing Amy (1997) dir. Kevin Smith
32) Double Indemnity (1944) dir. Billy Wilder
33) Leon (1994) dir. Luc Besson
34) The Departed (2006) dir. Martin Scorsese
35) The Getaway (1972) dir. Sam Peckinpah
36) Blade Runner (1982) dir. Ridley Scott
37) Alien (1979) dir. Ridley Scott
38) The Big Lebowski (1998) dir. Joel Coen
39) The Searchers (1956) dir. John Ford
40) Night of the Living Dead (1968) dir. George A. Romero
41) Fight Club (1999) dir. David Fincher
42) The Magnificent Seven (1960) dir. John Sturges
43) The Usual Suspects (1995) dir. Bryan Singer
44) For a Few Dollars More (1965) dir. Sergio Leone
45) A Clockwork Orange (1971) dir. Stanley Kubrick
46) American Psycho (2000) dir. Mary Harron
47) Goldfinger (1964) dir. Guy Hamilton
48) Life of Brian (1979) dir. Terry Jones
49) Dogma (1998) dir. Kevin Smith
50) Grindhouse (2007) dir. Robert Rodriguez & Quentin Tarantino, guest dir. Rob Zombie, Edgar Wright, & Eli Roth
I have multiple movies on the list from certain directors. Well guess what: I have favorite directors also.
So, movie lovers, if you haven't seen any of these movies, why not give them a chance. Your old pal, Kander wouldn't steer you wrong. And feel free to weigh in with your opinions. Tell me I'm a dumb ass, see if I care.
Talk at ya later and keep circulating the tapes.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Kanderson Out
'Ello, you lucky people!
The decision to flee came suddenly. The notion had been in my head since I moved to Denver from Greeley nearly a year ago. At that time, I thought I'd be living with my mother through the summer and move in the fall. However my funds were sorely lacking due to hospital bills and a low-paying part-time job at the Ballet. Then I thought, maybe after the new year. I'd make a lot of money working during Nutcracker (the busiest time at any ballet company) and could easily move after. But, around the beginning of October, I was offered a promotion to Secondary Box Office Manager which came with a pay raise as long as I remained with the Ballet until the season was over. Spring time?
It just seemed like everything in the world was trying to keep me in Colorado. Seemingly indefinitely. I even started thinking about staying at the Ballet for another while until my mom's lease is up in July. Conditions weren't perfect. I wanted to get more scripts finished, save a little more money, sell the Nova, visit L.A. once or twice, find a place, THEN move out. Well, nothing's ever going to be perfect. People would often ask me when I was leaving and my answer would invariably fall somewhere between "Beginning of May" and "Summer sometime." The real answer was, "I'm too afraid and probably won't ever." Then, as with most things, I got a little help from my friends.
My good friend Mike moved to L.A. in October. My good friend Joey moved to L.A. just a few weeks ago. My good friend Ryan moved a week or so after Joey. And let's not forget all the friends who'd already moved out there. Even friends not going to L.A. are already in or bound for somewhere else. At the Oscar party I attended two Sundays back, my good friend Kurt mentioned that he needed to go to L.A. for the acting showcase sometime in May and if I wanted, he would ride out with me and help me move, then he wouldn't have to buy two plane tickets. A good idea, but nothing definite. A good paycheck and decent tax refunds finally replenished my savings, so maybe this wouldn't be out of the question.
Which brings us to today. Joey and Ryan are both working as extras in The City of Angels. Last week, Joey was on "Two and a Half Men" and had a small conversation with Charlie Sheen and this morning Ryan told me he did a day on "My Name Is Earl" and had a pretty long talk with Jason Lee. Two good friends rubbing elbows with celebrities. And where was I? In the fucking ballet ticket office embossing vouchers by hand. That means I was pressing the CB logo onto every hundreds of sheets of paper by hand. If I wasn't already tired of my place in life, I surely was this morning. Then I received another text message. This one from the aforementioned Kurt Larson. "So I have to be in L.A. May 5th. Think that'll work?"
The decision to flee came suddenly. That was it. It was suddenly clear. I had a goal, I had a destination, now I had a date. At 12:20 PM, a half-eaten roast beef sandwich in my right fist and my cell phone in my left, I had a moment of clarity. This waiting around does nothing. I'm never going to be 100% prepared, so let me boil it down to the bare essentials. I need a job, I need a place to live, and I need a way to get there. Everything else will fall into place. May 1st, I will be on my way to being a Californian.
So, to you, Oh my brothers, I wish you well. I thank you all for being supportive of me and my dreams. If anyone has anything they want to say to me in person, I suggest doing it in the next two months. Let me just tell everyone out there who wants more out of life to do it. Just fucking do it. Don't wait for someone or something to hand you a ticket out. I'm scared to death of failing, but failing is a thousand times better than never trying. So, that's it. Look out, Hollywood. Kyle Anderson's coming. Everyone in Colorado, I love you all and know that I'm not leaving YOU. I'm just leaving.
Talk at ya later and keep circulating the tapes.
The decision to flee came suddenly. The notion had been in my head since I moved to Denver from Greeley nearly a year ago. At that time, I thought I'd be living with my mother through the summer and move in the fall. However my funds were sorely lacking due to hospital bills and a low-paying part-time job at the Ballet. Then I thought, maybe after the new year. I'd make a lot of money working during Nutcracker (the busiest time at any ballet company) and could easily move after. But, around the beginning of October, I was offered a promotion to Secondary Box Office Manager which came with a pay raise as long as I remained with the Ballet until the season was over. Spring time?
It just seemed like everything in the world was trying to keep me in Colorado. Seemingly indefinitely. I even started thinking about staying at the Ballet for another while until my mom's lease is up in July. Conditions weren't perfect. I wanted to get more scripts finished, save a little more money, sell the Nova, visit L.A. once or twice, find a place, THEN move out. Well, nothing's ever going to be perfect. People would often ask me when I was leaving and my answer would invariably fall somewhere between "Beginning of May" and "Summer sometime." The real answer was, "I'm too afraid and probably won't ever." Then, as with most things, I got a little help from my friends.
My good friend Mike moved to L.A. in October. My good friend Joey moved to L.A. just a few weeks ago. My good friend Ryan moved a week or so after Joey. And let's not forget all the friends who'd already moved out there. Even friends not going to L.A. are already in or bound for somewhere else. At the Oscar party I attended two Sundays back, my good friend Kurt mentioned that he needed to go to L.A. for the acting showcase sometime in May and if I wanted, he would ride out with me and help me move, then he wouldn't have to buy two plane tickets. A good idea, but nothing definite. A good paycheck and decent tax refunds finally replenished my savings, so maybe this wouldn't be out of the question.
Which brings us to today. Joey and Ryan are both working as extras in The City of Angels. Last week, Joey was on "Two and a Half Men" and had a small conversation with Charlie Sheen and this morning Ryan told me he did a day on "My Name Is Earl" and had a pretty long talk with Jason Lee. Two good friends rubbing elbows with celebrities. And where was I? In the fucking ballet ticket office embossing vouchers by hand. That means I was pressing the CB logo onto every hundreds of sheets of paper by hand. If I wasn't already tired of my place in life, I surely was this morning. Then I received another text message. This one from the aforementioned Kurt Larson. "So I have to be in L.A. May 5th. Think that'll work?"
The decision to flee came suddenly. That was it. It was suddenly clear. I had a goal, I had a destination, now I had a date. At 12:20 PM, a half-eaten roast beef sandwich in my right fist and my cell phone in my left, I had a moment of clarity. This waiting around does nothing. I'm never going to be 100% prepared, so let me boil it down to the bare essentials. I need a job, I need a place to live, and I need a way to get there. Everything else will fall into place. May 1st, I will be on my way to being a Californian.
So, to you, Oh my brothers, I wish you well. I thank you all for being supportive of me and my dreams. If anyone has anything they want to say to me in person, I suggest doing it in the next two months. Let me just tell everyone out there who wants more out of life to do it. Just fucking do it. Don't wait for someone or something to hand you a ticket out. I'm scared to death of failing, but failing is a thousand times better than never trying. So, that's it. Look out, Hollywood. Kyle Anderson's coming. Everyone in Colorado, I love you all and know that I'm not leaving YOU. I'm just leaving.
Talk at ya later and keep circulating the tapes.
Monday, February 11, 2008
The Biggest Douchebag Ever
'Ello, you lucky people!
So, today was a pretty normal, if not entirely boring day. That is, until I saw the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER!!! Listen to these shenanigans.
I was scheduled to close today which means I got to leave at 6. The parking garage in which I park is very narrow and each floor has but one entrance/exit. I get to my car on the second floor and see that in between my car (the newly resurrected Nova) and the ramp going down to the street sits a relatively small, yellow tow truck. The driver of said vehicle was this big fat fuck in coveralls literally breaking into an SUV using one of those lock-picking devices. I get into my car and begin to warm it up. There is no way for me or any car to get passed this truck.
I'm paying very close attention to this guy and his truck because I really want to go home. I see a young woman talking to him, clearly the owner of the automobile. I can't hear what they're talking about, but I assume her car won't start or something, a tragedy I am all too familiar with. She goes back down to whatever establishment she hailed and the dude kept working on the car. At this point, a woman in her car has pulled out and is sitting right in front of where the truck is. So, I pull out as well, thinking he'll have to move out of the way momentarily to let us pass. But, let me remind you who this guy is: The BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER!!!
He just goes about his business, despite two running cars staring him down. Finally, the woman ahead of me rolls her window down and says, "Could you move please?" To which fat-fuck replies, "I'll move when I'm done." What the hell? He hadn't even hooked up the car to the tow yet. He easily could have pulled forward into a parking space so we could get out then backed up and gone about his business. But no. So finally this guy breaks into the girl's car and her alarm goes off. This is when it hits me: why would he need to break into her car if she was right there? Did she lock her keys in her car? Also something I know all too well. Is he done when he gets into the car? Oh, of course not. The then proceeds to start hooking it up to tow.
Did I mention this guy was really fat? Lets just say, dude wasn't fast while doing his job. The lady ahead of me is getting impatient, as am I. She honks once. Fatty does nothing but continue his, to my mind, unnecessary task. All the while, the fucking alarm has been going off. So not only am I tired of waiting, the constant wooting is giving me a headache. His truck has his company's phone number on it. I imagine myself calling it in the off-chance he'd be the one to pick up so I could say "MOVE YOUR TRUCK, ASS!" But, I chickened out. Would have been awesome. At any rate, he finally gets the SUV up into the towing position, a full 17 minutes since I got to my car. I timed it.
In case you forgot, this guy is the BIGGEST DOUCHBAG EVER! The girl finally comes back into the garage and flicks off her alarm. I know it was cold and snowy, but I swear I heard birds singing. That, or it was my hears never being able to hear those frequencies again. Girl has a brief convo with the guy, at which point he gets into the truck and starts to drive off. Then I hear the girl yell, panicky, "Wait? Are you gonna take my car?!?"
Apparently, this girl had parked where she shouldn't have and someone got pissed. But she was right there. Surely he didn't need to tow her. She easily could have moved it. Dude starts driving off. The girl takes off running after him and makes him stop. Now at this point, I can't hear what happens, but I see this girl, tears streaming down her face, apparently pleading with this prick not to tow her car. Then I see her take her wallet out of her purse and open it.
Here's what I think happened: either he asked for money to not tow the car, or she offered him money not to tow the car, but either way, he took it and promptly got out of his truck and began unhooking the Jeep SUV from the back of his truck. Another few minutes go by (I stopped timing, I lost interest) and he finally gets the Jeep down and simply, unceremoniously, douchily, drives off. The poor girl, who despite her crime really was victimized I felt, started her vehicle and pulled into a spot, allowing my fellow prisoner and myself to finally get going home. Or wherever the fuck the woman was going. She could have been going to kill five babies, I didn't know. For that excruciating nearly-30 minute ordeal, we were best friends.
And just to piss us off further, fatty drove ridiculously slow all the way down to the street. Thus solidifying his status as the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER!!!!! I swear, it's a good thing I don't own a gun.
Talk at you later and keep circulating the tapes
So, today was a pretty normal, if not entirely boring day. That is, until I saw the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER!!! Listen to these shenanigans.
I was scheduled to close today which means I got to leave at 6. The parking garage in which I park is very narrow and each floor has but one entrance/exit. I get to my car on the second floor and see that in between my car (the newly resurrected Nova) and the ramp going down to the street sits a relatively small, yellow tow truck. The driver of said vehicle was this big fat fuck in coveralls literally breaking into an SUV using one of those lock-picking devices. I get into my car and begin to warm it up. There is no way for me or any car to get passed this truck.
I'm paying very close attention to this guy and his truck because I really want to go home. I see a young woman talking to him, clearly the owner of the automobile. I can't hear what they're talking about, but I assume her car won't start or something, a tragedy I am all too familiar with. She goes back down to whatever establishment she hailed and the dude kept working on the car. At this point, a woman in her car has pulled out and is sitting right in front of where the truck is. So, I pull out as well, thinking he'll have to move out of the way momentarily to let us pass. But, let me remind you who this guy is: The BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER!!!
He just goes about his business, despite two running cars staring him down. Finally, the woman ahead of me rolls her window down and says, "Could you move please?" To which fat-fuck replies, "I'll move when I'm done." What the hell? He hadn't even hooked up the car to the tow yet. He easily could have pulled forward into a parking space so we could get out then backed up and gone about his business. But no. So finally this guy breaks into the girl's car and her alarm goes off. This is when it hits me: why would he need to break into her car if she was right there? Did she lock her keys in her car? Also something I know all too well. Is he done when he gets into the car? Oh, of course not. The then proceeds to start hooking it up to tow.
Did I mention this guy was really fat? Lets just say, dude wasn't fast while doing his job. The lady ahead of me is getting impatient, as am I. She honks once. Fatty does nothing but continue his, to my mind, unnecessary task. All the while, the fucking alarm has been going off. So not only am I tired of waiting, the constant wooting is giving me a headache. His truck has his company's phone number on it. I imagine myself calling it in the off-chance he'd be the one to pick up so I could say "MOVE YOUR TRUCK, ASS!" But, I chickened out. Would have been awesome. At any rate, he finally gets the SUV up into the towing position, a full 17 minutes since I got to my car. I timed it.
In case you forgot, this guy is the BIGGEST DOUCHBAG EVER! The girl finally comes back into the garage and flicks off her alarm. I know it was cold and snowy, but I swear I heard birds singing. That, or it was my hears never being able to hear those frequencies again. Girl has a brief convo with the guy, at which point he gets into the truck and starts to drive off. Then I hear the girl yell, panicky, "Wait? Are you gonna take my car?!?"
Apparently, this girl had parked where she shouldn't have and someone got pissed. But she was right there. Surely he didn't need to tow her. She easily could have moved it. Dude starts driving off. The girl takes off running after him and makes him stop. Now at this point, I can't hear what happens, but I see this girl, tears streaming down her face, apparently pleading with this prick not to tow her car. Then I see her take her wallet out of her purse and open it.
Here's what I think happened: either he asked for money to not tow the car, or she offered him money not to tow the car, but either way, he took it and promptly got out of his truck and began unhooking the Jeep SUV from the back of his truck. Another few minutes go by (I stopped timing, I lost interest) and he finally gets the Jeep down and simply, unceremoniously, douchily, drives off. The poor girl, who despite her crime really was victimized I felt, started her vehicle and pulled into a spot, allowing my fellow prisoner and myself to finally get going home. Or wherever the fuck the woman was going. She could have been going to kill five babies, I didn't know. For that excruciating nearly-30 minute ordeal, we were best friends.
And just to piss us off further, fatty drove ridiculously slow all the way down to the street. Thus solidifying his status as the BIGGEST DOUCHEBAG EVER!!!!! I swear, it's a good thing I don't own a gun.
Talk at you later and keep circulating the tapes
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Oscar Picks From Joe Movie-Lover
'Ello, you lucky people!
While still coming down from the high of seeing the despised New England Patriots get spanked to death at the hands of a much better prepared New Jersey Giants team (they play in Newark lest we forget), I decided to weigh in on this year's Oscars and pick the winners for that as well. Last year I was ecstatic as it was the first time since I cared about such things that the Best Picture award went to movie I wanted to win. The Departed won 4 awards and they were very well deserved. This year is the first year I've ever seen all five nominated films before the Oscars, and more than that, the first year I've wanted to see all of them. Last year I saw 3/5 which tends to be the percentage and I'm okay with that. I didn't see The Queen or Letters From Iwo Jima, and honestly still could give two shits about them. This year, however, all five movies looked good and were good. Now I will give you my impression of all five movies and predictions for this year's awards that will hopefully be televised.
No Country For Old Men
This is my all out favorite of the nominated. This odd, existential, western thriller based on the Cormac McCarthy novel of the same name would have totally worked as a straight forward chase movie if not for the final act where everything falls apart and even the characters don't know why. The Coen's films are all about the end of something, some era in Americana. This film surely depicts the death of the "Old West." The mentality of good triumphing over evil despite the odds is what one would expect from a Western, and surely the expectation is there to the average movie watcher. But the reason this movie is so amazing is watching Tommy Lee Jones' character of Ed Tom Bell as he watches the complete destruction of everything he holds true and decent about the world. Javier Bardem will surely win Best Supporting Actor, there's almost no contest. The Coens should win Best Director(s) and I'd like to see them win Best Adapted Screenplay as well.
Odds of winning Best Picture: 2:1 Everything about this movie is solid. The only thing it has against it is that the Departed won last year.
There Will Be Blood
I'm not going to lie, I am not a fan of Paul Thomas Anderson. I think he's too showy without actually showing anything. "Pretentious" and "lengthy" are the words I would use to describe his previous films. He's basically Quentin Tarantino without the burden of being entertaining. They both say "Look what I can do," but at least QT never tries to make you believe you're watching something other wackiness. All that being said, I was pleasantly surprised with PTA's
most recent outing. Extremely loosely based on the book "Oil!" by Upton Sinclaire, Blood is actually far less about the oil industry than it is about the psyches of scarred men. Daniel Day-Lewis (a shoe-in for best actor) plays Daniel Plainview with equal parts savvy, sadness, and sadism. You watch this successful businessman get continually let down by people in his life and turn right around and let someone down himself. By film's end, you can't decide whether you hated him or just felt sorry for him. Throughout the film, I was impressed both with this acting tour-de-force but also with Anderson's slow, methodical direction and the great cinematography. Also noteworthy is the score by Radiohead guitarist Johnny Greenwood. Bottom line for me is that, while the parts were all fantastic, I wasn't sure where everything was going or why it got to where it ended up.
Best Picture Odds: 5:2 It could be the dark horse and win thanks to its critical reception, but I kinda doubt it.
Atonement
British period dramas are not normally my cup of tea, if you'll excuse the obvious joke. In fact, my eyes begin to roll at the very mention of Jane Austin. How come all over her books were titled "Something & Something That Sounds Similar?" Just me? Not knowing about Atonement before I saw it, other than it was a British period piece, I think aided greatly to my loving it. Based on a novel I'd never heard of by the guy who wrote The Good Son with Macauley Culkin and Elijah Wood, this film starts out as your average rich-people-coming-of-age-and-falling-in-love story but quickly becomes the saddest and most hauntingly beautiful love-loss-and-regret films I've ever seen. I especially liked the depiction of larger themes, such as the dark side of the aftermath of World War II on the exhausted, malnourished British soldiers, while never losing sight of the intimate story of three people torn apart by a single moment. This movie punches you in the gut and, had I the ability, I probably would have cried. There's a 7-minute long tracking shot that alone should garner the film Best Cinematography.
Best Picture Odds: 8:1 Despite how great I think this film is, it totally got robbed in the nominations, which to me means that the Academy doesn't think as highly of it as it might. Joe Wright deserved a Best Director nom as did both James McAvoy and Keira Knightley. It will probably win some technical awards, but not best picture.
Juno
Pithy dialogue and pop-culture references are to me like breathing air or drinking beer. I cannot get enough of either one. This is easily my number two favorite in the race. Juno is a very funny and touching story with no convoluted plots or too much pathos. Everyone's been comparing it to Little Miss Sunshine mostly just because it's a quirky family comedy, but I definitely think Juno has more to offer. It doesn't fall into that all-too-common indie comedy trap of just being dry for the sake of dryness. There's a big difference between being dry and being real and this film's real strength comes from the performances of its great cast. Plus, it's sweet, which none of the other films nominated are. Office worker-turned-stripper-turned-novelist-turned-screenwriter Diablo Cody delivers the most solid and well-written screenplay of any that I've seen this year (I haven't seen all the movies nominated for best screenplay, I admit) but I think it'd be a travesty not to give the new girl the golden bald guy. I realized just now that if Kevin Smith would not be quite as dirty, he'd probably get Oscar nominations too. Leave in all the swear words you want, but leave out the donkey show stuff.
Best Picture Odds: 10:1 As loved as it is, the movie is a comedy and comedies, even dramatic ones, only win Best Picture once in a dog's age. Could this be that age? Perhaps. Though I wouldn't make book on it.
Michael Clayton
Legal thrillers are usually far more legal than thrilling. Hell, any movie made out of a John Grisham book is going to have legalese dripping from the walls. Michael Clayton is not this at all. In fact, there's really only one scene where legal jargon is spewed in any real sense. What the film really is is the study of the lengths people will go to cover something up, and the inner turmoil of basically good people. The film was written and directed by Tony Gilroy, best known perhaps for penning the screenplays to the Bourne films, and marks the writer's directorial debut. Definitely a solid outing, though from a script standpoint, it never seemed like the stakes should have been as high as they ended up being. George Clooney sells it, though. I'll say it right now: I would have George Clooney's babies. I would devote all the money and time it took to making that scientifically possible and carry and birth his children. He can do no wrong. He probably won't win, it's really DDL's year, but he turned in another stellar performance he should be proud of.
Best Picture Odds: 20:1 This is the most straight forward of the nominated films, which I think will hurt it the most. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but proficiency doesn't necessarily make a best picture. It is a critical darling so we can't count it out entirely, but I'd be incredibly surprised if it won.
Some movies I think got robbed were Eastern Promises (despite Viggo's much-deserved acting nod) and Zodiac which was actually by very favorite film of the year, but it was released in February '07 , negating its chances of being nominated for anything.
These predictions are merely what I see happening. Can I get lucky enough to get what I want out of the Superbowl AND the Oscars? Given previous experience, no. But here's one prediction you can take to the bank: Ratatouille will win best animated film. I welcome any and all opinions on this, so comment away.
Talk at ya later and keep circulating the tapes.
While still coming down from the high of seeing the despised New England Patriots get spanked to death at the hands of a much better prepared New Jersey Giants team (they play in Newark lest we forget), I decided to weigh in on this year's Oscars and pick the winners for that as well. Last year I was ecstatic as it was the first time since I cared about such things that the Best Picture award went to movie I wanted to win. The Departed won 4 awards and they were very well deserved. This year is the first year I've ever seen all five nominated films before the Oscars, and more than that, the first year I've wanted to see all of them. Last year I saw 3/5 which tends to be the percentage and I'm okay with that. I didn't see The Queen or Letters From Iwo Jima, and honestly still could give two shits about them. This year, however, all five movies looked good and were good. Now I will give you my impression of all five movies and predictions for this year's awards that will hopefully be televised.
No Country For Old Men
This is my all out favorite of the nominated. This odd, existential, western thriller based on the Cormac McCarthy novel of the same name would have totally worked as a straight forward chase movie if not for the final act where everything falls apart and even the characters don't know why. The Coen's films are all about the end of something, some era in Americana. This film surely depicts the death of the "Old West." The mentality of good triumphing over evil despite the odds is what one would expect from a Western, and surely the expectation is there to the average movie watcher. But the reason this movie is so amazing is watching Tommy Lee Jones' character of Ed Tom Bell as he watches the complete destruction of everything he holds true and decent about the world. Javier Bardem will surely win Best Supporting Actor, there's almost no contest. The Coens should win Best Director(s) and I'd like to see them win Best Adapted Screenplay as well.
Odds of winning Best Picture: 2:1 Everything about this movie is solid. The only thing it has against it is that the Departed won last year.
There Will Be Blood
I'm not going to lie, I am not a fan of Paul Thomas Anderson. I think he's too showy without actually showing anything. "Pretentious" and "lengthy" are the words I would use to describe his previous films. He's basically Quentin Tarantino without the burden of being entertaining. They both say "Look what I can do," but at least QT never tries to make you believe you're watching something other wackiness. All that being said, I was pleasantly surprised with PTA's
most recent outing. Extremely loosely based on the book "Oil!" by Upton Sinclaire, Blood is actually far less about the oil industry than it is about the psyches of scarred men. Daniel Day-Lewis (a shoe-in for best actor) plays Daniel Plainview with equal parts savvy, sadness, and sadism. You watch this successful businessman get continually let down by people in his life and turn right around and let someone down himself. By film's end, you can't decide whether you hated him or just felt sorry for him. Throughout the film, I was impressed both with this acting tour-de-force but also with Anderson's slow, methodical direction and the great cinematography. Also noteworthy is the score by Radiohead guitarist Johnny Greenwood. Bottom line for me is that, while the parts were all fantastic, I wasn't sure where everything was going or why it got to where it ended up.
Best Picture Odds: 5:2 It could be the dark horse and win thanks to its critical reception, but I kinda doubt it.
Atonement
British period dramas are not normally my cup of tea, if you'll excuse the obvious joke. In fact, my eyes begin to roll at the very mention of Jane Austin. How come all over her books were titled "Something & Something That Sounds Similar?" Just me? Not knowing about Atonement before I saw it, other than it was a British period piece, I think aided greatly to my loving it. Based on a novel I'd never heard of by the guy who wrote The Good Son with Macauley Culkin and Elijah Wood, this film starts out as your average rich-people-coming-of-age-and-falling-in-love story but quickly becomes the saddest and most hauntingly beautiful love-loss-and-regret films I've ever seen. I especially liked the depiction of larger themes, such as the dark side of the aftermath of World War II on the exhausted, malnourished British soldiers, while never losing sight of the intimate story of three people torn apart by a single moment. This movie punches you in the gut and, had I the ability, I probably would have cried. There's a 7-minute long tracking shot that alone should garner the film Best Cinematography.
Best Picture Odds: 8:1 Despite how great I think this film is, it totally got robbed in the nominations, which to me means that the Academy doesn't think as highly of it as it might. Joe Wright deserved a Best Director nom as did both James McAvoy and Keira Knightley. It will probably win some technical awards, but not best picture.
Juno
Pithy dialogue and pop-culture references are to me like breathing air or drinking beer. I cannot get enough of either one. This is easily my number two favorite in the race. Juno is a very funny and touching story with no convoluted plots or too much pathos. Everyone's been comparing it to Little Miss Sunshine mostly just because it's a quirky family comedy, but I definitely think Juno has more to offer. It doesn't fall into that all-too-common indie comedy trap of just being dry for the sake of dryness. There's a big difference between being dry and being real and this film's real strength comes from the performances of its great cast. Plus, it's sweet, which none of the other films nominated are. Office worker-turned-stripper-turned-novelist-turned-screenwriter Diablo Cody delivers the most solid and well-written screenplay of any that I've seen this year (I haven't seen all the movies nominated for best screenplay, I admit) but I think it'd be a travesty not to give the new girl the golden bald guy. I realized just now that if Kevin Smith would not be quite as dirty, he'd probably get Oscar nominations too. Leave in all the swear words you want, but leave out the donkey show stuff.
Best Picture Odds: 10:1 As loved as it is, the movie is a comedy and comedies, even dramatic ones, only win Best Picture once in a dog's age. Could this be that age? Perhaps. Though I wouldn't make book on it.
Michael Clayton
Legal thrillers are usually far more legal than thrilling. Hell, any movie made out of a John Grisham book is going to have legalese dripping from the walls. Michael Clayton is not this at all. In fact, there's really only one scene where legal jargon is spewed in any real sense. What the film really is is the study of the lengths people will go to cover something up, and the inner turmoil of basically good people. The film was written and directed by Tony Gilroy, best known perhaps for penning the screenplays to the Bourne films, and marks the writer's directorial debut. Definitely a solid outing, though from a script standpoint, it never seemed like the stakes should have been as high as they ended up being. George Clooney sells it, though. I'll say it right now: I would have George Clooney's babies. I would devote all the money and time it took to making that scientifically possible and carry and birth his children. He can do no wrong. He probably won't win, it's really DDL's year, but he turned in another stellar performance he should be proud of.
Best Picture Odds: 20:1 This is the most straight forward of the nominated films, which I think will hurt it the most. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it, but proficiency doesn't necessarily make a best picture. It is a critical darling so we can't count it out entirely, but I'd be incredibly surprised if it won.
Some movies I think got robbed were Eastern Promises (despite Viggo's much-deserved acting nod) and Zodiac which was actually by very favorite film of the year, but it was released in February '07 , negating its chances of being nominated for anything.
These predictions are merely what I see happening. Can I get lucky enough to get what I want out of the Superbowl AND the Oscars? Given previous experience, no. But here's one prediction you can take to the bank: Ratatouille will win best animated film. I welcome any and all opinions on this, so comment away.
Talk at ya later and keep circulating the tapes.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Chuck Norris: Roundhouse Kicks & Cowboy Hats
'Ello, you lucky people!
I'm always on the lookout for movies that look/sound/are fucked up. The more outrageous or ridiculous the plot, the more I want to watch it (Death Bed, anyone?). So, when I heard about my most recent foray into fucked-up cinema, I was justifiably giddy. The tagline reads: "The Master of Martial Arts vs A Bionic Killing Machine." Bruce Lee fights The Terminator? No. Jet Li takes on RoboCop? I wish. Jackie Chan going 12 rounds with Short Circuit's Number Johnny 5? Sadly, this is also not the case. What we get is Chuck Norris battling a poor-man's Michael Myers in Silent Rage, a dumb but surprisingly entertaining B minus movie from 1982. This is gonna be awesome! Freddy vs. Jason? Fuck that, Chuck vs. Michael-Light!
The film is really three movies rolled into one. You get a heaping helping of slasher-type movies (Halloween, Friday the 13th, My Bloody Valentine, etc.) a smidge Re-Animator and finish it off with a healthy dose of whatever the hell crappy action movies Chuck Norris made where he fights people for no reason. I'm not going to lie, I've never in my life watched a Chuck Norris vehicle and if not for the premise of Silent Rage, would continue to be of that persuasion. Silent Rage is without doubt the oddest marriage of film genres I've ever seen since Hostel (teen sex comedy becomes torture porn).
The film begins with John Kirby, the ugliest man alive, goes crazy and kills his land lady and some other random dude with an ax. The police arrive led by cowboy hat adorned Sheriff Dan Stevens, played by none other than our old friend Chuck. The sheriff disarms Kirby and arrests him only for the madman to break loose of his cuffs and kick the door of the police car off its hinges (made of cardboard apparently). Despite Dan's and Kirby's psychiatrist's pleas not to shoot Kirby dead, the other officers shoot Kirby dead. That was a bad movie, at least it was short. Au contraire, mon frer. This Goddamn epic battle's just begun. The psychiatrist takes the body of the ax murderer to the hospital where he and two of his colleagues have fashioned a Frankensteinian laboratory in the boiler room. Turns out, the three of them have developed a serum that can bring once-living organisms back to life. Surely the best person to test it on is the violent psychopath. Experiments ensue.
Meanwhile, Sheriff Dan cannot be bothered with plot. He's too busy killing time before the story catches up to him. He has some flat dialog with his deputy (Flounder from Animal House...no joke) and gets it on with the psychiatrist's sister, who also once was his true love. Or something. Anyway, they bone. He also has to deal with a rogue biker gang who tries to take over the town. Or more accurately, some dive bar off of Route 94. In the most gratuitous scene in the film, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks his way through a bevy of drunks and large-breasted, battle-ax women. I'm sure it was stated in Mr. Norris' contract that he has to get into a huge fight and kick the shit out of at least 15 people by the mid-point in the film. Mission accomplished. After the fight, the Sheriff has sex with the shrink's sister again and convinces her to take a trip somewhere. Everyone's so happy...
Meanwhile, in the lab, the experiments on Frog-Face are going better than expected. He still hasn't regained consciousness, but all his bullet wounds have healed miraculously and, (get this!) when they cut him with scalpels, he heals almost instantly. Fantastic! Well, you can guess what happens after this. The end credits roll. NO! I fooled you again! Kirby gets up and puts on a Michael Myers-esque jumpsuit and heads out to do some damage. He kills the psychiatrist and his wife and is about to kill the sister before Chuck shows up and scares him away. Kirby returns to the hospital to kill his remaining two creators and again goes for the sister. Oh yeah, she's in the hospital too, though for reasons unknown to me. He chases her up and down stairs until it looks like she's sure to die. But then the father of modern ass-kicking enters just in time to shoot him and send him crashing out the 5th story window. I'm not even going to pretend anymore. Dude ain't dead.
This begins what I like to call, "The Cat & Mouse Section." Chuck and the chick, go to inspect the body and of course it wakes up and tries to strangle them again. The sister runs him over with Chuck's Ford Bronco and they drive away. But of course, Kirby clings to the back and crawls through the window. So, they dive out of the car and it goes crashing down a series of small hills until crashing and catching on fire. A fiery Kirby escapes and jumps into a conveniently located small body of water. Finally, the climax which will at last pay off the tagline of Martial Arts Master vs Bionic Killing Machine! Yeah... that consists mostly of Chuck Norris kicking, flipping, and basically knocking Kirby over several times before the final kick sends the fiend tumbling down an incredibly deep well. Chuck and his true love are safe and they walk away triumphantly. The camera pans down the well just in time to see Kirby again rise from a watery grave.
My question: Chuck Norris has just seen this guy get shot, fall out a window, get hit by a car, crash a car, and explode without dying; Did he really think a few kicks were gonna do the trick? Of course. It's Chuck Norris, what was I thinking? I hear there's no postal service, it's just Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking mail to the proper address. So that was my first excursion into the world of Carlos Ray Norris (dude's real name. Not even kidding.) and I was pleasantly not at all surprised at how cheesy and lame it was. It wasn't near as fucked-up as I'd hoped but it was silly enough to keep me watching. Here's the reasons to watch: Chuck Norris (go figure), plenty of early-80s tits, a really ugly bad guy, Chuck Norris. He counts for two.
Talk at ya later and keep circulating the tapes.
I'm always on the lookout for movies that look/sound/are fucked up. The more outrageous or ridiculous the plot, the more I want to watch it (Death Bed, anyone?). So, when I heard about my most recent foray into fucked-up cinema, I was justifiably giddy. The tagline reads: "The Master of Martial Arts vs A Bionic Killing Machine." Bruce Lee fights The Terminator? No. Jet Li takes on RoboCop? I wish. Jackie Chan going 12 rounds with Short Circuit's Number Johnny 5? Sadly, this is also not the case. What we get is Chuck Norris battling a poor-man's Michael Myers in Silent Rage, a dumb but surprisingly entertaining B minus movie from 1982. This is gonna be awesome! Freddy vs. Jason? Fuck that, Chuck vs. Michael-Light!
The film is really three movies rolled into one. You get a heaping helping of slasher-type movies (Halloween, Friday the 13th, My Bloody Valentine, etc.) a smidge Re-Animator and finish it off with a healthy dose of whatever the hell crappy action movies Chuck Norris made where he fights people for no reason. I'm not going to lie, I've never in my life watched a Chuck Norris vehicle and if not for the premise of Silent Rage, would continue to be of that persuasion. Silent Rage is without doubt the oddest marriage of film genres I've ever seen since Hostel (teen sex comedy becomes torture porn).
The film begins with John Kirby, the ugliest man alive, goes crazy and kills his land lady and some other random dude with an ax. The police arrive led by cowboy hat adorned Sheriff Dan Stevens, played by none other than our old friend Chuck. The sheriff disarms Kirby and arrests him only for the madman to break loose of his cuffs and kick the door of the police car off its hinges (made of cardboard apparently). Despite Dan's and Kirby's psychiatrist's pleas not to shoot Kirby dead, the other officers shoot Kirby dead. That was a bad movie, at least it was short. Au contraire, mon frer. This Goddamn epic battle's just begun. The psychiatrist takes the body of the ax murderer to the hospital where he and two of his colleagues have fashioned a Frankensteinian laboratory in the boiler room. Turns out, the three of them have developed a serum that can bring once-living organisms back to life. Surely the best person to test it on is the violent psychopath. Experiments ensue.
Meanwhile, Sheriff Dan cannot be bothered with plot. He's too busy killing time before the story catches up to him. He has some flat dialog with his deputy (Flounder from Animal House...no joke) and gets it on with the psychiatrist's sister, who also once was his true love. Or something. Anyway, they bone. He also has to deal with a rogue biker gang who tries to take over the town. Or more accurately, some dive bar off of Route 94. In the most gratuitous scene in the film, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks his way through a bevy of drunks and large-breasted, battle-ax women. I'm sure it was stated in Mr. Norris' contract that he has to get into a huge fight and kick the shit out of at least 15 people by the mid-point in the film. Mission accomplished. After the fight, the Sheriff has sex with the shrink's sister again and convinces her to take a trip somewhere. Everyone's so happy...
Meanwhile, in the lab, the experiments on Frog-Face are going better than expected. He still hasn't regained consciousness, but all his bullet wounds have healed miraculously and, (get this!) when they cut him with scalpels, he heals almost instantly. Fantastic! Well, you can guess what happens after this. The end credits roll. NO! I fooled you again! Kirby gets up and puts on a Michael Myers-esque jumpsuit and heads out to do some damage. He kills the psychiatrist and his wife and is about to kill the sister before Chuck shows up and scares him away. Kirby returns to the hospital to kill his remaining two creators and again goes for the sister. Oh yeah, she's in the hospital too, though for reasons unknown to me. He chases her up and down stairs until it looks like she's sure to die. But then the father of modern ass-kicking enters just in time to shoot him and send him crashing out the 5th story window. I'm not even going to pretend anymore. Dude ain't dead.
This begins what I like to call, "The Cat & Mouse Section." Chuck and the chick, go to inspect the body and of course it wakes up and tries to strangle them again. The sister runs him over with Chuck's Ford Bronco and they drive away. But of course, Kirby clings to the back and crawls through the window. So, they dive out of the car and it goes crashing down a series of small hills until crashing and catching on fire. A fiery Kirby escapes and jumps into a conveniently located small body of water. Finally, the climax which will at last pay off the tagline of Martial Arts Master vs Bionic Killing Machine! Yeah... that consists mostly of Chuck Norris kicking, flipping, and basically knocking Kirby over several times before the final kick sends the fiend tumbling down an incredibly deep well. Chuck and his true love are safe and they walk away triumphantly. The camera pans down the well just in time to see Kirby again rise from a watery grave.
My question: Chuck Norris has just seen this guy get shot, fall out a window, get hit by a car, crash a car, and explode without dying; Did he really think a few kicks were gonna do the trick? Of course. It's Chuck Norris, what was I thinking? I hear there's no postal service, it's just Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking mail to the proper address. So that was my first excursion into the world of Carlos Ray Norris (dude's real name. Not even kidding.) and I was pleasantly not at all surprised at how cheesy and lame it was. It wasn't near as fucked-up as I'd hoped but it was silly enough to keep me watching. Here's the reasons to watch: Chuck Norris (go figure), plenty of early-80s tits, a really ugly bad guy, Chuck Norris. He counts for two.
Talk at ya later and keep circulating the tapes.
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